Lessons in Loss and Grieving

I was speakiing to a friend of mine yesterday and she was recounting the death of her dog. We had not been in touch for quite awhile because I had been away during the illness and final transition of my mother. My friend was obviously quite upset about her loss and I realized that what I had to share were the lessons I learned during my grieving process. There are many ideas about how to go through grief. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a book sbout the stages of grief and how to proceeed through each stage. My conversationos with others who have suffered loss seem to confirm there that there are definitely different periods and degrees of grieving.

We live in a society that spends a lot of time and money telling us how we should grieve and what our funeral traditions should be. I came home from my experience wanting to tell everyone that they should adopt a particular pattern for their grieving. What I have now learned is that none of us should determine how any of us should grieve. Even though I think the process should begin before the loss actually occurs, I no longer am willing to say that everyone can do that. So much of our behavior is attached to our experiences growing up and what we have been taught or have been socialized in. I will say that whatever way you decide to grieve - loss is loss. Whether it is a relative or pet, a friend or neighbor every loss takes something from us. That leaves us with the question of when will we see that loss as an experience for which to be grateful and the door to change in our lives. I so seldom get to see people glad that someone who was suffering (animal or person) has now moved to a better situation that relieves them of their painful life. Gratitude and great memories become the gift that plugs our loss. It may not be a perfect fit or replace the lost peice but it can be good and life renewing. Peace!